why I do this

At the end of the movie 'Stand By Me', there is a voice over that says'" although I hadn't seen him in more than ten years, I know I'll miss him forever"

Yesterday was the birthday of the best friend I ever had.  Every year I try to do a little post with some pictures, of my friend Gene. I post some pictures, write a few words, and then watch as people read the words, see the pictures, then make a nice comment about him, or me, as the friend who misses him.

Sometimes I wonder why I do this, as he has been gone several years now. Maybe I should move on, and not succumb to the periods of maudlin behavior. Well, those are fleeting thoughts.

I don't know if there is an afterlife. Maybe yes, maybe no. I'd like to think so, that there is some reward for us when it is all over. What I do firmly believe in, is that Gene will never really be gone as long as we remember him. He lived a good life and deserves to be remembered. There are a lot of people, family and friends, that miss him, I'm not alone in that. So I do my part, I post a picture, I try to find some words to write down, and hope that his memory will never fade.

I was not a easy friend for Gene to have, he said on more than one occasion that I 'stretched the bounds of friendship.'  He was right, I can't deny that. But, he was a true friend, he not only valued friendship and loyalty, he lived it. He would never admit it, but he lead by example.

I moved away from Gene and all the friends I grew up with about 24 years ago, in search of better opportunities and some adventure. As the years passed, I would call Gene now and then to catch up, usually on or around his birthday. I missed the day one year, and called about a week later.

"hey Gene how's it going? I meant to call you on your birthday, but I got busy and forgot."

  .... or some lame excuse like that.

I expected him to let me off the hook. But, his reply was

"...I noticed."

  Oh. Just hang the sign 'world's worst friend' around my neck and parade me through town.

 I'm sure he enjoyed that. I bet he was smiling when we were done talking and hung up.

  I got it in my head that when Gene  hit his 50th birthday, I would show up at his place in a nice rent a car and tell him to pack a bag, we're doing a road trip. What a great idea. The 50th was a few years or more away, and we'd have another adventure. Wow, what a cool idea. Waaaay cool.

But, he didn't make it to his 50th. He fell about 4 years short of it.

What the hell was I thinking? Waiting for some magic number to happen, so we'd have an excuse to have an adventure. What crap. Just wanting to have an adventure is reason enough. Shit.

Now, I'm not going to go on about 'life is short' or some other well worn axiom. I won't do that. No one needs me to tell them that. What I will say, is that regret is a tough thing to live with, as tough as grief. Both very hard to get over, if at all.

What I do say is that Gene's final gift to me was to get past the crap and just get on with what you want to do. Take the road trip. Call your best friend. And if your best friend is no longer on this earth, take him or her on the adventure anyhow.

Because, they are never really gone as long as we remember them.

la vie dasante